In every act of rebellion,
I simultaneously experience a feeling of revulsion
at the infringement of people’s rights by Church hierarchy
and a complete and spontaneous loyalty
to certain aspects of myself.
From the moment that I found my voice
I began to desire a better idea of Christian Community
than what Church Official offered.
Every act of rebellion tacitly invokes a value
no matter how confused it is,
a sudden, dazzling perception
that there is something good in me
with which I can identify,
even if only for a moment.
The affirmation implicit in every act of my rebellion
is extended to something that transcends me
insofar as it withdraws me from my solitude
and provides me with a reason to act.
An act of rebellion is not an egoistic act.
Sure, I seek respect,
but only in my efforts to seek true Christian community.
Some think my rebellion against institutional Church is negative,
but for me, it is profoundly positive
in that it has revealed values which must always be defended
against the hierarchs.
The words that reverberate for me
on this long adventure of rebellion
are not formulas for optimism,
which have no possible use in my unhappiness,
but words of courage and intelligence
which, on the shores of the eternal seas,
I hope have the qualities of virtue.
Rebellion must indefatigably confront evil,
from which it can only derive a new impetus.
True Rebellion cannot exist without love.
Those who find no rest in Church as it is
must live for those who, like themselves, cannot live freely,
in fact, for the humiliated,
those excluded and/or discriminated against,
those marginalized by church doctrine and dogma.
If ALL of us are not saved,
what good is the salvation of those inside the church?
Rebellion is the very essence of my life
and it cannot be denied without renouncing life.
Its purest outburst in me
gives birth to my existence.
It is based in love or it is nothing at all.
At the end of this tunnel of darkness
there is inevitably a light,
for which I have to fight to ensure its coming.
All of us,
among the ruins,
are preparing a renaissance beyond the limits.
But few of us know it.
In the light,
Christian Community remains a love.
My sisters and brothers are breathing under the same sky as I;
justice is a living thing.
Resident in me is Joy
which helps me live and die.
With this Joy, through the long struggle,
I strive to help remake Church,
which ultimately will exclude nothing,