Sunday, August 6, 2017

True Voice

It dawned on me
that I was not using the voice inside me that was thinking really true things,
while using the voice outside
to speak more socially appropriate things.

The first time I facilitated a Grief Support meeting
and heard people really use their true voice,
I remember thinking,
how wonderful it was.

I discovered
that the way to have a real life,
is to use this true voice.

That’s what I’ve been trying to do ever since.

There is an interesting reaction from the world,
when I do actually let that truest voice out;
other people tend to do it too.
Something about saying 
Here I am, really
helps other people say,
Okay, here I am, really, too.

For me, it feels a lot like love.
When I speak from my truest self,
I can actually be seen by other people.
That’s terrifying,
because a lot of people won’t like me,
 but some do,
and some actually even love me.

I can’t imagine what else I’m here for,
except to be truly seen,
so I can be truly loved.

Some people are lonely
because they are only using a socially acceptable voice
to the world all the time.
Even if that voice is liked,
people can’t feel it,
because it’s not really True.
 It feels superficial,
even fraudulent.

And there is a difference between being admired
and being loved.
I could send out my shiniest socially acceptable self
for my whole life
and be admired by tons of people.
But it would be terribly lonely
if I never let my true self be seen.

Vulnerability and truth telling can just be buzzwords.
But the truth is,
we get hurt a lot there.
I can do it, I can be vulnerable,
but I expect to get hurt.

I learned
that there’s pain in hiding and pain in showing up.
I’ve just found that the pain of showing up
is far better than the pain
of hiding my True Self.

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